The good quickie – rub my feet

For the last couple of months my Son has come home from school and requested to have his feet rubbed. I have always rubbed his feet since he was born so I never gave it a second thought. Then he said his feet hurt. Checked his shoes, met with the dr and all of that. All is good. Today, we get settled into bed and he says, “Mom, rub my feet paaleeease.” I proceed to run his little feet and he reminded me of an old man with, “aaaahhhh that feels so good Mom.” It still just seems funny to me to have s wee one request foot rubs. I am not looking forward to big teenage stinky boy feet. Hahaha

The good quickie – ok, Dad. I’m ready

This morning my husband joked to our Son that he could ride his scooter to school and he would drive the truck. We do our morning routine and get ready to go to school. Our Son proceeds to grab his scooter and told his Dad, “Ok Dad. I am ready.” He’s on his scooter ready to go by the front door. We giggle and say we were just joking but he is was dead serious. Hahaha he is obviously upset he isn’t riding the scooter. I told him to have a great day at school and I would bring the scooter for him to ride from the classroom to our truck. He was excited and gave us a big, “yeah hooooo!”

The good quickie – I know

After a touch day my little guy said he was a bad bad boy. This broke my hear to hear and it is not something we say. I told him, “you are a good boy. You are my good boy. You are loved.” He smiled and hugged me hard. A couple hours later…. he’s playing with the dogs and making sure his toys are picked up and I tell him he is being such a good boy helping with the dogs and keeping up his toys. He looks as me with a big smile and high confidence, “I know I am a good boy.”

Parenting is not always a joy

Sometimes parenting just sucks ass. It does. No need to kid ourselves. Sometimes my kids suck. Sometimes I suck as a parent. I strive to be a great parent all of the time. Most of the time I am pretty good parent. But, there are days where I am just an ok parent and ok might even be giving me too much credit.

Don’t get me wrong or misunderstand. Even on my worst days my children are still loved and cared for. They are not harmed or mistreated.

Even on a day like today. I was just ok. I have hit my limit of stress from every aspect of my life. I am an overwhelmed person. And first thing today our Son decided to do something at school that got him sent home. Any home from school at 3 years old!

The last 2 weeks have been tough. Everyone has that 1 kid in the class, school or daycare they can’t stand their kid to be around because of what they learn, repeat, etc. Today was over the top.

I was damn near tears. I could feel them welling up but I managed to pull myself together, barely. My husband and I looking at each other silently, communicating in our wave lengths and visually sharing our confusion, hurt, disappointment and mostly…. concern. Concern, not for what he did. Concern, as to what in the world did he see, how did he feel, where was this learned, was he scared, was he hurt and a flood of other questions all racing in our minds. We both know it by just our look to each other like our minds collided. I am pretty sure what felt like 10 minutes was 2 seconds.

We have an appointment at the school tomorrow. They hate dealing with us. We ask too many questions. We ask them where teachers were at the time. Which teachers. We ask them what the other children were doing. We’ve already dealt with a child telling our Son she would “kill your (his) parents” and several other strange things. And, we ask them what they could have done to prevent the situation or how they could have protected our Son better and we do not accept there is only so much they can do with so many children. Honestly, I don’t care how many children. I pay a lot of money for my Son to attend a private pre school which pays their salary and I expect that all of the children are cared for and safe. At the same time, I realize they are human and things happen. Mostly, kids are smart and a gang of them can wreak havoc in a moments notice. So, I really try to be fair.

So, even at a tender 3 years old our Son is learning consequences for bad choices. He is a strong willed child. He’s smart, sweet, funny, kind, adventurous and caring. He’s the little boy who picks me flowers whenever he sees them,He does give me a run for my money sometimes but not like at school. We teach respecting the teachers and others.

Tomorrow, I will have to go in with my ears open and mouth shut. My intuition is telling me something is up. At the same time, I don’t want to be “that parent” with their head in the clouds about their disorderly kids either.

At the end of the day. My husband and I agree. No matter what happens at the school that our Son observes, learns, endures we are responsible for. We will continue to teach him and encourage him to speak up, not to do as others do and protect himself from harm.

Wish me luck. I am pretty sure I am going to need all the well wishes tomorrow for keeping composure and grace in dealing with this.

She’s my Butterfly

This is so cliche but I have to say it anyway. It seems like yesterday I was in the hospital getting yapped at by the nurses for letting my newborn daughter sleep all night instead of waking her up. Wake a sleeping baby? Please, no parent does this. I held her, stared at her, counted fingers, counted toes and wondered where her hair was. Hahaha. She was simply perfect. I didn't want a son. I wanted a girl and she was beautiful and healthy. I was happy.

Fast forward several years I am now a divorced parent. At this time things are still good between us and we co-parent well.

She was shy. Quiet. Almost all of the time. But she would perform for me. She would sing, dance, read and just about anything she set her mind to at that moment. She was sweet, kind, conscientious and very aware of my feelings.

Then third grade happened. She had the best teacher and my little shy girl blossomed like a butterfly. The teacher had a way with the kids that was uncanny and wonderful. From there she continued to grow her own sense of self and identity.

She became a strong force to be reckoned with for protecting her friends and standing up for those less fortunate even when it was not the most popular thing to do. This would cause her grief. I was proud of her. She endured bullying even within the group of her own friends.

Some of this I would not now know until later. We were close and while she told me a lot she didn't tell me everything. I am one those in your face parents, like it or not. I don't care if it is the school employees, coaches or parents. If something happens while you are on watch….. guess what? You answer to me, the parent. I found it amusing how many people along the way seemed surprised by this. The flip side to that was sometimes she didn't want to deal with the consequences from the wrath of Mommabear and would deal with it on her own.

In spite of all of this she grew up strong, good moral fiber, solid on her opinions and beliefs. She doesn't seek the approval of others. And now, as a young adult is not seeking either of her parents approval to live her life on her terms.

I am proud. I miss my little girl. I look forward to what is yet to come with my young adult child. And I am selfishly sad her room will become empty in less than a week.

Clothes: to buy or not to buy

I have a variety of sizes in clothing. A lot of what I own, regardless of size, is similar in style , color and comfort zone. For the most part I am a jeans, T-shirt and tenniesneaker kind of gal. Dark beer instead of wine and let's drink from the bottle instead of a glass. Let's keep it simple if we can, create as little mess as possible and have a good ole time.

If you've read some of my previous blogs (not very many still very new) I have discussed weight loss. In the last year I have dropped about 50 pounds. I haven't really bought anything new with the exception of 2 outfits my husband bought me. He somehow picks pants for me that actually fit. It's pretty amazing. He doesn't even spend too long at it and it will take me days, weeks, several shopping trips, damn near tears and I could still be empty handed. It's crazy.

During this last year I have used what I already own and gone down though all of my previous sizes and enjoyed clothes I once loved. I am getting near the weight I will have to buy new clothes. Some would say it is so exciting and rewarding for all of the effort. Others have said I should have been buying things all along. I don't disagree I just didn't and have no real reason except it wasn't a priority at the time.

Now, I have started watching more fashion pages on my Instagram page and paying attention more to what catches my eye as opposed to what I would normally pick. Well, besides colors I pick pretty much the same kind of things I always have. Jeans, t-shirts, tennies or sandals. No heels. And I usually do not do jewelry except my wedding band and my watch.

For the most part I work from home. I dress for me. I dress to take or pick up my little man from pre-school, run errands, grocery store trips and the occasional trip for a treat. I don't look horrible but I am far from being "put together" like I would be if I worked in a brick and mortar work place.

I would like to put a tad more effort into this. However, I am unwilling to spend more than a half an hour doing it. Taking a shower, getting dressed and doing make-up and hair should not take 1-2 hours. I did that in high school and years after when I first started working. That is a huge no way in hell am I going to do that ever again. It is the biggest waste of time ever. And if you do spend that much time getting ready, go you. This is not a post to say anyone shouldn't spend whatever amount of time they want getting gussied up. If I were going out with the hubs, then yeah, I'd most likely spend an hour easy.

Anyway, my question here is this: How do you break away from clothing preference/norms without being uncomfortable? Did you start with shirts? Shoes? One day a whole new look and the rest were the old norm? Any recommendations on pages/people?

Blog reveal

Today I told my sister, husband, daughter and friend I had started a blog. All, with the exception of my husband, were curious what I was writing and how it was going, etc. My husbands response, "So you can do that Kermit thing you do on your phone?" LOL I just said, "Yes, so I can do that." While laughing.

That was the big reveal. via @youtube